Excerpts from the book- II

Around fifteen people had turned up; ready to be stuffed with

beer, whiskey, rum and cheese burst pizzas. Anticipating the

amount of semi-processed cheese bursts induced puke my

house would be guest to that night, I had instructed people

in prior that when feeling giddy, either run straight to the

balcony and puke on the road or make a dash to my toilet.

The latter being the safer option though, I had made it clear

that my living and drawing room were not options, and this

rule, if tested, would lead to their ass being kicked straight

out of my house.

I had also asked my neighbours in prior, that if the decibel

levels cross their patience levels, they can excuse me this one

time, as pretty soon I’d be leaving to be a part of one of the

most prestigious B schools of India. This piece of information

was met with arched eyebrows, oblivion and at some places

indifference. I had very smartly bribed them for excusing

the noise. Mr. Ghutmales’ children had been presented with

Cadbury chocolates and Mr. Kadam’s wife a fake compliment

and a kaju barfi hamper. Mr. Bhansode, the asshole of the

lot, was out somewhere for the week and that saved me a lot

of tension.

The party was a wild one, and my friends were shamelessly

hitting on my girlfriend, alcohol I tell you. I redirected them

to other females in the party and tried to be the perfect host

offering them chips, peanuts and the occasional slap on the

back of the head for dirtying my house. It did not take long

for the first of many vomits that were lined up, to happen.

Three hours had passed and my restroom had now started

to look like a public toilet. Guys had peed everywhere except

where it was meant to be, and I didn’t even want to wonder

where the girls were peeing. Those who had come claiming

that they’d have to leave early had now made it a point that

they cannot even be shifted to a different corner let alone a

different house. No one was planning on leaving soon and

that I had established from the “what a party man... so much

booze... haha this will take some time to finish… but what are

friends for”.

I had planned on finishing the party by midnight and then

spending the night with Sonali, which was a distant dream

now. She understood that this wasn’t possible as she kissed

me goodnight and left. I thought I’d seek Hardik’s help to get

this mess cleared with.

“Oi… help me get these assholes out now… else they’ll all

sleep here and there today”, I said.

“Fuck off… I don’t care who’s sleeping where but this chick

is sleeping with me today, so go away, let me continue”, he

frowned as he spoke in a muffled voice while he supposedly

chatted with a girl, wasted enough to not understand a word

even if he had shouted all of this.

Slowly, though tipsy beyond limits, I encouraged the less

drunk ones to take along a passed out one home with them

as I claimed I do not have any mattresses for them to spend

the night on. No one seemed to bother as after so much

booze even if I’d thrown them on the road, they wouldn’t

have cared.

‘Each one takes one’ was the slogan of the night. Finally

eight people slept at my place, a garbage dump by then, and

littered all over except at places where a human body lay.

Hardik did not manage to bed the girl as her boyfriend came

to pick her up, which left him very sad, and I had a nice time

reminding him what a fool he had been the whole time.

Feeling delighted as to what a manager I’d make at FMS

as not one person had vomited inside the house after my

instructions; I saw the most disgusting scene when I entered

the kitchen. Who on earth vomited in the kitchen, I wanted to

find out and rub his face in it. Anyhow, I spread newspapers

over that crap and slept.

At around seven, people began getting up and started

doddering their way back home leaving me with this mess,

for which I knew I’d have hell to pay to my maid. She took

200 Rupees only for cleaning for this one day, apart from the

700 I gave her for a month. I must confess those 200 Rupees

were very well worth it and I am sure she must have made

another 50 from the uncountable beer bottles and cans she

collected from the place. The rest of the day was spent in

nursing the hangover, with lime juice, orange juice and other

fluids. Finally, I ate at night when I was sure that my stomach

was finally ready to ingest solid food.